what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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