Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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