My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
