how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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