also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
