That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
