I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
