no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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