if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize