you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
