I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize