it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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