I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
