Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Randomize
