A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
wow bdsm is so cute
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
