And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
