So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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