my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
