when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
