the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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