He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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