i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I need to align my fucking chakras
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
