Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
