just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
