Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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