Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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