I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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