do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Randomize
