Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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