and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize