i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
