I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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