So drunk its hurt
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Randomize
