Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
