just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
nutella sex= disaster
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
