So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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