Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
