Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Acid is not a monday night drug
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
