In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
