So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
sex in a hospital.. check
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
