the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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