God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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