I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We had sex on a dog bed..
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
