Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(231): View more from Michigan

Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.

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(812): View more from Indiana

i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.

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(708): View more from Illinois

You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.

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(925): View more from California

DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR

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(989): View more from Michigan

I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.

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(785): View more from Kansas

for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.

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(941): View more from Florida

We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew

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(905): View more from Ontario

How was the party

(1-905): View more from Ontario

I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me

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