Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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