she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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