hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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