I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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