I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Too much gin, very little bucket
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
