Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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