i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
