Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
