The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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