Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
