Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
