Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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