Sponge bath it is.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
