to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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