I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
