so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
