I want to stick my p in your. b.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You need Xanax blowdarts
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
