TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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