I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
