you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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