we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
