Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
