Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
