this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
