is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
