Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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