Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
