: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
My nipple is on Facebook.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
just found out that she named her cat after me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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