I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
