i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
