Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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