WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
