i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
