i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
