i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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