I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
