New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
