shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize