Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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