haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
