I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
