so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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